Note: Chris is out today, so today’s blog is written by me, Steve Flaig, VP of Marketing.
Summer is almost here—at least in Texas—and I think we know what that means—summer blockbusters. Yes ladies and gentleman, in just a few short weeks, a never ending series of car crashes, explosions and super heroes will be coming to a theater near you. Personally, I can hardly wait. Really, is there any better way to spend a sweltering summer Saturday than by reclining in your imitation leather theater style seat, with that bushel basket of popcorn in your lap and the mega-drink–that only cost you an extra quarter over a medium– in the cup holder next to you, watching your favorite action star beat the living crap out some super villain bent on mayhem and destruction? Of, course not. So with the blockbuster season nearly upon us, let me take this time to review some of the basic rules of etiquette for the well-bred summer viewer.
Leave any child under the age of ten at home. Sure, they’re cute and you love them, but a screaming infant or an over inquisitive child tend to elicit less than civil behavior on the part of some theatergoers. And honestly, bringing your young children doesn’t just ruin the movie for those around you, but scary noises and on screen violence can have a deleterious effect on a formative mind. So unless you want to ultimately be the parent of “that kid” leave junior at home.
Open your snacks before the movie starts. This should go with out saying, but how many of us have missed the critical revelation in an edge of your seat thriller because some bozo decided he just had to open that box of Raisenettes? And for all you guys who spend five minutes rummaging through your popcorn—unless there is a kid with a sailor suit and a dog on the outside of the box, there’s no prize in there so grab a handful and get on with it.
No bathroom breaks after the middle of the movie. Should the rest of us be punished because you can’t handle your jumbo sized Fanta Orange? I don’t think so. Sure when you have to shuffle down the row to head to the restroom during the climactic gun duel (that’s approximately the last 20 minutes of a Tarantino picture as a point of reference), people pretend to be polite but here’s the honest truth—at that moment, they hate your guts.
No talking during the picture—or during the Coming Attractions for that matter. This is another seemingly obvious point, but in recent years moviegoer behavior has deteriorated dramatically. Now the extemporaneous superlative in response to a major explosion is always acceptable, but a running dialogue throughout the movie, not so much. This is especially true for you armchair critics out there. Here’s a clue for you, no one is winning an Oscar for their performance in a summer shoot ‘em up. The Rock isn’t Olivier, and the blockbuster fan respects the difference. Either deal with it, or go see “The Secret of the Blue Turtles” at the art house around the corner.
Respect the back row. People like me sit there for a reason (see rules 1-4). – If you’re like me, and I know many of you are, the blockbuster season can’t get here soon enough. Since January through April is the dumping ground for chick flicks and Jennifer Aniston movies, the first car chase of the summer serves as a soul purifying moment for the action movie fan. And so I ask you to please review and take these rules to heart since the movie going experience you save this summer just might be mine.